


Scarlet-faced Speedster, or How to Make Barry Blush

by meridian_rose (meridianrose)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry/reader's choice of metahuman implied, Bingo, Discussion of masturbation, Drinking, Embarrassment, Gen, Humor, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge 2015, Other, Superpower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 18:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3906544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianrose/pseuds/meridian_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caitlin and Cisco are having a rather inebriated conversation about sex, superpowers, and spanking the monkey. Barry wishes they wouldn't. Especially since he's the subject of the discussion.<br/>For MMOM and the allbingo prompt "can't get no satisfaction"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scarlet-faced Speedster, or How to Make Barry Blush

Barry isn't exactly sure how the conversation had started, only that he wishes it hadn't. He's not drunk enough for this, and thanks to his super metabolism can't get drunk enough, no matter how many shots he downs.

"I'm not saying you would lose control," Caitlin says carefully, and she's taking extra care because she's had several shots, though she'll probably fall off her barstool before she mispronounces anything. "But it is something to think about. When you're lost in the moment, you might –"

"Wham, bam, sorry, ma'am!" Cisco has had a couple more shots. Caitlin glares at him. Chastened, Cisco smooths down a lock of his hair. "It could be dangerous," he says with an attempt at being serious and stern, neither of which suit him at the best of times.

Adds a whole new concept to being too fast, ie premature ejaculation, not to mention being a "sex bomb". Which makes Barry think about music and if he's coming up with a playlist then let's add "Can't Get No (Satisfaction)" because hell, is sex something else lost to him now?

Being a superhero has definite downsides. All the lying and extra hours and people trying to kill him. Life was less interesting before Barry became The Flash, but it was less exhausting.

Barry can practically see a cartoon light bulb go on above Cisco's head.

"What about…you know…" Cisco gestures wildly, almost knocking over a bottle of beer. "Spanking the monkey."

Caitlin gives him another look. "Masturbation," she said. "We're grownups. We don't need euphemisms to talk about it."

"I'd rather not talk about it at all," Barry says, a hopeful note in his voice. Of course they're not paying attention.

"But, suppose, you're in the shower." Cisco looks at him and nods in a show of brotherly solidarity. Barry wants to slide onto the floor and crawl away. This is worse than the time Joe tried to have The Talk with him. "There you are, having a nice time –"

Where's a metahuman wreaking havoc on the city when you need one? Or another lightening strike. Barry would take serious injury over this increasingly disturbing conversation.

"You start going faster, and faster, and…."

Caitlin frowns. "Friction," she says.

Lube. Barry knows she's going to start talking about lube.

"Or worse," Cisco says. He lowers his voice, though, due to the volume of music in the club, and his level of drunkenness, it's not lowered as much as he thinks. "Did you know you can break your penis?"

Caitlin nods, because she's probably read ten different journal articles about it. Barry desperately tries to think of some way to bring Cisco's ramblings to a close. Maybe he can change the subject. What's one of those TV shows Cisco loves, and what controversial storyline can Barry raise that will turn all of his friend's attention to righteous indignation.

"Although Barry heals up fast," Caitlin points out. Cisco nods sagely though one hand hovers protectively over his own groin. Caitlin leans forward in a show of confidentiality. "I think you should investigate this, Barry. You should," Caitlin sighs, and, possibly seeing Barry's distress, says, "spank the monkey. Carefully."

Barry is sure his face must be as red as The Flash's suit. He's not had sex with a partner since the lightening strike but he's self-pleasured without personal injury and no doubt he'll have to tell Caitlin that at some point. Preferably in the very distant future.

Cisco grins. He takes a sip of beer. "What about other metahumans?"

"Do you mean do they masturbate?" Caitlin asks, with a _how the hell would I know_ implied.

"No, I mean, they're superpowered too. Sex might be safer with them than a human," Cisco says. "One of the less villainous ones of course." Caitlin thinks about it and concludes it is a good idea. Barry thinks they're both drunk and it's not fair that he isn't.

And now he's thinking about a certain metahuman.

And when he gets home he's probably going to spank his monkey.


End file.
